


Well, Shit.

by Andromuse



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Gen, Modern Girl in Thedas, Self Insert, and its weird, but it may be a little more serious than that, its supposed to be a crackfic, solas isn't himself, sorry - Freeform, this is SUPPOSED to be a bit OOC, this is really weird
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-10-13 11:05:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10512486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andromuse/pseuds/Andromuse
Summary: Note to self: Don't ever joke about waking up as an ancient elvhen god by the name of Solas, you may just live to regret it.





	1. Whole new level of weird

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! Buckle up kids because this is a weird one!
> 
> It was one of those really stupid ideas for a story I had, I don't know if this is going to go anywhere, I don't know if you guys even want me to continue it, but if you do let me know yeah? I'd love to get feedback on it!
> 
> This is un-beta'd so I apologise for any inconsistencies, spelling mistakes and so on. I hope you enjoy!

You know, it’s one thing to joke about waking up as Solas, it’s another to actually wake up _as Solas_.

It was a stupid joke I made with a friend, Elise said it would have been a hilarious idea and I thought so too, just the idea of parading around as an elvhen god, especially that of Solas was just too good of an idea to pass up.

But when you go to bed still laughing about the idea and in the morning when consciousness seeps through to your brain and you notice you’re not quite where you were or who you were. Well. Let’s just say it involved a lot of flailing arms and possibly one high pitched squeal. Seriously, the vocal range on that elf was surprising.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Rustling trees, the sounds of wildlife and a river nearby. Oddly soothing.

I yawned while raising my hand to my face and rubbed my eyes of sleep, something felt strange but I couldn’t quite pinpoint it. I shuffled around before I felt something poke into my back and quickly tried to move it, assuming it was my phone or a pencil, there was always a pencil somewhere on my bed due to the amount I sketched. What I felt though made me pause, I groggily opened my eyes and pulled the item from under my back to reveal a small rock. What the hell was a rock doing under me?

It took a moment before I noticed the trees above my head and I quickly noted that my hands weren’t the small soft hands I was used to seeing, but instead were fairly large and not so soft, the fingers were long and slender. Male hands. I quickly sat up, dropping the rock next to the bedroll I was in and watched as it rolled to my left and hit the little campfire in the center of the clearing I was in. I quickly took stock of myself as I ran my hands over my face and across my head. Bald, sharp features, and elf ears.

“Oh boy, this can’t be good.” I sighed, noticing my voice had changed too. Was there anything familiar about this new body?

I took a deep breath as I sat up and scanned the clearing I was set up in, the first thing I noticed was the improved vision, I could see further and clearer, smells and sounds also seemed to be improved over what I was used to. Everything seemed, well, sharper. It was strange being in a different body, but after spending a few moments checking out the new body and questioning my sanity I stood from the bedroll I was in and glanced around the clearing. I watched as a small nug hopped it’s way into the clearing and I tilted my head as it nibble at the grass before quickly skittering off somewhere between the trees.

My ears wiggled slightly when a branch snapped to the left of me and I whipped my head in that direction, although nothing looked out of place I became extremely nervous. I carefully wrapped the bedroll up and attached it to the backpack that was sitting nearby the fire and packed everything else up as quickly as possible. Slinging the backpack over my shoulder and the staff between my back and the bag I set off into the trees at a quickened pace. There was no way I was staying around for whatever was lurking around the clearing to reveal itself.

As I moved further into the trees I looked to the sky, the panic of my situation was rearing its ugly head, where was I? Who was I? Why was this happening? So many questions of the similar category kept popping up in my head as I made my way towards the sound of water, at least I could try and figure out one of the questions while I was there, it was no mirror but water could still do the job of giving me an idea of what I currently looked like.

There were several nugs next to the water as I approached and it dawned on me, there was only one universe I knew of that nugs existed in. The Dragon Age universe. At least the ‘where’ had been answered, now it was just the ‘why’ and ‘who’.

I set my bag next to a tree and propped the staff against it too and quickly made my way over to the river edge and crouched down to get a better view of my face. I couldn’t help the gasp and look of pure surprise that crossed my features as I looked down at a very familiar face. _Solas._

“I am so screwed.” I ran my hand along my face, solas’ face. _My Face._

That was going to take some getting used to.

Well, the ‘where’ and ‘who’ were answered, I had a feeling the ‘why’ would be the hardest to answer out of all of them, and the ‘when’ was a given. It was most likely at the least a year before the conclave, but I didn’t feel like this body had just awoken from a thousand year nap. Then again, I could be wrong.

I quickly gathered up my things and set off in a random direction, hoping I was heading the right way for haven, I hadn’t any clue of where I was, nor was there a map in amongst all the stuff I was carrying.

My eyes trained back on the sky for a moment and I watched for the tell tale scars of the breach, for all I knew, I could be somewhere after all the madness but the sky was free of scars. For now. My instincts told me it would be soon and that I needed to keep going if I was to make it to Haven on time. I couldn’t tell if this was just an extremely vivid dream or if it was real. I was inclined to believe it was the former of the two, considering one does not suddenly wake up in the body of an elvhen god.

A shiver ran up my spine as I felt a crackle of _something_ in the air, it lasted for but a moment before a resounding boom echoed through the lands, my arm quickly raised to cover my eyes from the intense green light that flooded the place. After a few seconds I lowered my arm to reveal the breach. My breath hitched slightly as I stared at it, there were no words to describe it, a sense of dread filled me as I looked up at the breach and somewhere in the back of my mind I could feel a connection to the magic that was pouring out of it.

I picked up my pace as I headed in the direction of the breach, at least I had a marker of where I was going now and how far I had to go, which wasn’t too far, although it looked closer than it was, considering the breach looked like it was a lot bigger than I remembered it being in the game. I couldn’t seem to shake the uneasy feeling it placed in the pit of my stomach or stop the sudden guilt that wiggled it’s way into my chest.

I could already tell this was going to go from bad to worse and strange to even stranger as time went on.

 

~~~~~~~

 

_The air around me shifted with me as I walked through the old ruins of a forgotten place, even I didn’t know the name. Another thing lost to time. I quickly noted I was in the fade, but when did I fall asleep? A question for when I woke no doubt. There was a sudden shift of air behind me and I quickly spun to see a shape form, another face that was familiar, wisdom._

_“Hello, wolf.” She smiled at me for a moment before her smile twisted into concern “What is wrong, wolf? You seem.. Different?” She tilted her head slightly at me, as if examining something within me I couldn’t see. After a moment she made a little ‘ah’ noise and the smile returned, warm and welcoming._

_My face scrunched in confusion, which she seemed to find funny if the little laugh she let out was any indication. I just huffed and crossed my arms, looking a little put out by the situation, the day had been weird enough, it was just one thing after another._

_“This is just going to get more and more strange, isn’t it?” I asked, a little worry laced through my words as I spoke._

_She nodded her head, her face becoming a little more solemn but it was quickly replaced with that warm and welcoming smile “You will face many confusing and hard trials ahead, but know you have knowledge no one else possesses and you are not as alone as you think you are, you have the power to make a better outcome than the one you know it to be. Be safe, wolf, for you will need all of your strength and willpower to pull through these difficult times to come.”_

_She softly disappears from in front of me as I felt something tugging me awake._

  
_Well, back to the waking world I go._


	2. Welcome to Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Has anyone ever mentioned that Leliana's stare could probably kill a man?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not beta'd, I apologise if there are any mistakes.
> 
> Also I'm sorry it's been so long since I posted the last chapter, thing's just got in the way but i'm back to it now! Sorry if the flow of things is too fast or too slow or yknow generally crappy, like I said, it's been a while since i've wrote anything so it's a little shittier than I wanted it to be.
> 
> Anyway I hope you at least get some enjoyment out of reading it C:

I slowly opened my eyes as a few birds flew by my line of sight, they were unsurprisingly heading in the opposite direction of the breach and honestly, I wanted to do the same. Just tuck tail and run, never mind the fact that I didn't have a tail. Yet.

I sighed as I sat up and shook the remains of the dream, I knew Wisdom was just trying to help by giving me some information but she made it sound so ominous, like sneezing would screw everything up, and honestly with my track record of luck, that wouldn't surprise me. Much.

I looked around and realised I had unknowingly set up camp in a little alcove in a ravine, it was fairly warm, the sun filtered through the clouds and down into the gaps between the top of the ravine, it afforded a good amount of cover, although I still couldn't shake the feeling of not remembering the last 4 or so hours of yesterday before I fell asleep. A shiver raced up my spine at the thought but I quickly shook it off and gathered up all my stuff, tying the bedroll to the backpack and dousing what little flame was left of the little fire pit.

Following the steep path out of the ravine I noticed I was even closer to the breach than I was yesterday, my eyes were drawn to it again and that uneasy feeling washed over me. There was something that was off putting about it, something I couldn't quite grasp. And then there was the guilty feelings that came with it.

After spending a few moments just staring at the breach I pulled myself out of my thoughts and  made my way to the top of the steep path, thankfully Solas' body was built for terrain like this and the steep path had been easy to scale, but mentally I was really confused, I still couldn't wrap my brain around the whole 'waking up as Solas' thing, I was just a normal human girl, with normal simple needs, what had I done to deserve being thrown into Solas' body? For all I knew he was still kicking around in here and I was taking his body for a ride.

Another shiver spread up my back as that thought filtered through, if he was still in here, and that was a big 'if' well, that meant a few things, one of which would involve a very pissed off looking elf if I ever managed to find a way to get out of his body and back into my own.

Speaking of which, I didn't even have a clue where my body was, was it still on earth or was it gone? Had I died and that was why I woke up as Solas? It was all just food for thought at this point. I hadn't noticed I stopped walking until a small nug ran across my field of vision, my stomach grumbled and the thought of roasted nug sounded very nice.

I pulled out a little hunting knife that was attached to my backpack and crouched ever so slightly, I watched as it chased it’s tiny tail around for a few seconds before aiming my empty hand towards it.

_ ‘Well, Solas is a mage right? Theoretically I should just be able to cast magic at it and kill it.’ _

Taking a deep breath in I focused on the nug and the feeling of fire, the idea of a small fireball being thrown at the nug and killing it flowed through my thoughts, there was a strange feeling that traveled along my arm, it felt almost like a burning feeling but tame enough not to cause discomfort. Once it reached my hand a small fireball formed in front of my hand, slightly stuttering in and out of existence as my focus shifted but I quickly pulled myself together before firing it off towards the unsuspecting nug.

It barely hit the nug, enough to kill it. But it appeared that luck was not with me as it also hit the grass, setting it on fire. I let out a high pitched squeak and quickly fumbled with my backpack, pulling the water-skin out and dumping its contents over the small fire that had developed next to the dead nug.

I grimaced as I picked up the dead, charred nug and took it over to a small clearing and sat under a tree, I placed the nug on the ground and took the hunting knife to it’s flesh, cutting away the limbs and placing them in a pile for the local wildlife to have at. I took only what I needed to keep the hunger at bay and after spending a mere fifteen minutes eating, I gathered my stuff and stood.

Sighing, I started heading in the direction of the breach again, I couldn't put it off forever, as much as I wished I could. I let myself get lost in thought as I made my way there, thinking about video games and dumb memes. And the internet. Oh boy was I going to miss the internet.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When I came back to myself I realised I was outside the butt end of Haven, you know that one gate you never pay attention to on the west side? Yeah, that one. There were two guards stationed outside and they gave me the dirtiest glare I have ever had the privilege of experiencing. They proceeded to pull out their swords and point them at me, and if it weren't for the fact that I had pissed in a bush not half an hour ago, I was pretty sure I would have peed myself.

"Halt Mage! Don't come any closer!" One of the guards shouted at me with quite a deep voice.

I instantly raised my hands in surrender and squeaked, "I-I'm not here to cause trouble."

The other guard came up to me, his sword still pointing at me and glared, "Drop yer staff now then, we's gonna take you to the seeker an she can deal wae ye!"

Quickly, but not so quick as to spook them I pulled my staff off my back and placed it on the ground, the guard with the deep voice quickly picked it up, sheathed his sword, then proceeded to snap it over his knee. I tried to keep the offended squeak from surfacing but didn't quite manage.

That was a good walking cane, wasted.

"Yer no gettin tae have access tae a staff while yer here, ye filthy mage."

Letting out a sigh I gave them a meek nod as they opened the gates, the deep voiced one having pulled out his sword again and poking it into my back, not enough to pierce the skin but enough that I got the point to move forward.

They led me through the training tents outside of Haven and the first thing to hit me was the smell. The place smelled of crap, body odor and other ungodly smells I didn’t even want to think about or even process at all. My eyes kept darting from place to place trying to take it all in. Haven was a lot bigger than it was in the game, although that was probably down to the game engine limitations. There was a bigger variety of people too, humans, dwarf traders, qunari and elf’s. Although the elf population was mostly ignored and from what little I saw, treated like garbage.

That set my proverbial hackles to raise. I was quite frankly, appalled at the way elf’s were treated. It made me feel slightly sick too, not that I could do much about it, sadly.

It took a good 20 minutes getting from the gates to the chantry, the scale of the place doesn’t really hit you until you have to spend 20 minutes of your life navigating your way through some of the tightest spaces in a town known to man. The guards had taken me through the narrow spaces between the houses to avoid most of the crowd.

As we reached the chantry I took note of the amount of tent’s there were in front of the place, it looked like some were healer’s tent’s but most looked to house families. It looked very cramped, I was sure there were at least two families to a tent, maybe more.

I was pulled from my thought’s as one of the chantry doors swung open to reveal a very annoyed looking Cassandra, followed by an equally unamused Cullen and Leliana. I couldn't make out much but it appeared that they were talking about a dwarf in the prisons. The guards behind me not so gently shoved me towards the three of them, and in turn gaining their attention.

Cullen looked at me and then towards the guards, "What's the meaning of this?" His brow furrowed slightly in confusion.

The guard that had the higher pitched voice spoke up "We found em walking towards the west gates, ser. He 'ad a staff on his back so we took it off em. Thought we should bring him here for ye."

They put their swords away as I felt Cullen, Cassandra's and Leliana's eyes on me, I hadn't even noticed they had dropped to the snow covered ground, it was such an automatic thing to do after having lived with anxiety and avoiding eye contact for so long. I quickly raised them to look at the three of them, Cass had a serious look on her face, Cullen looked like he wasn't too sure he knew what to make of the situation and Leliana was watching me with a blank stare, which freaked me out as I was sure she could read every tiny movement I made and figure out what I was thinking.

Unbidden the main theme song of inquisition popped up in my head, it helped to soothe my anxiety for a moment before I felt Leliana's eyes bore into my very soul as our eyes linked for a brief second. A brief second was all she needed to completely figure out a person, and I was no Solas who could effortlessly hide his emotions and thoughts. No, I was the human girl who didn't belong in thedas, let alone in the body of an elvhen god.

"So, what say you mage? Why are you here?" Cassandra's nevarran accent broke through my thoughts as she stared at me, trying to figure me out just like Leliana was. Although a little less successful.

"I-..." I paused for a moment, trying to scrape my thoughts together as I coughed slightly, getting my voice a little more prepared, "I'm here to help, I believe the hole in the sky is connected to the fade, and as it happens, I know quite a bit about it. More than your average mage."

I let out a breath of air, hoping that any of that didn't come out as awkward as I felt. But it seemed that luck was with me for now.

"And what is your name, mage?" Leliana's voice was as blank as her face as she asked.

I tried not to squeak under her gaze as I forced out my words "S-Solas." It was very uncomfortable when she kept looking at me, not saying anything.

"Alright, Solas. You say you can help, I don't exactly trust you but we can't exactly turn away help." Cullen spoke up, he sighed and nodded his head for me to follow.

As we entered the chantry he signalled two guards to follow us, "We call it the breach, about a day ago, as you probably well know, it appeared, taking the temple of sacred ashes with it and all those inside." He walked a little bit in before coming to a door on the left and opened it, heading down a flight of stairs, "Roughly about 3 hours later, a female dwarf fell out of a smaller one, and then it closed. She was in pretty bad shape too, still is." He led us through a narrow hall, passing a few cells on the way, as we reached the end he opened the big heavy wooden door at the end and pointed to his right.

There, inside a cell, was a female dwarf, just like he said. She was curled up on her side in a fetal position and clutching her left hand to her chest, I could see a green glow coming from it. I suddenly had an internal panic attack as I realised I didn't know how to properly use magic and now the life of a dwarf and by addition the rest of thedas was in my hands. Yeah, no biggie.

Cullen unlocked the cell and I cautiously stepped inside, I looked over my shoulder at Cullen and he nodded towards the dwarf.

"She had that mark on her hand, every time the breach expands, that mark on her hand does too, it's causing her a lot of pain. Can you help her?" He almost sounded worried about her.

I sighed and sat on the floor, crossing my legs as I whispered, "I'll try. No promises though."

I heard his responding sigh and the fading clunk of his boots leaving the room.

Thus begun two irritating days of trying to get the magic in me to co-operate with me and stabilize the mark. It sucked. A lot.


End file.
